How To Know That You’re Officially A Twin Mom

 

How To Know That You're Officially A Twin Mom - Chic and Domestic

Are you currently a twin mom or a soon to be twin mom? Have you ever, just out of curiosity wondered what it was like to live that #TwinMomLife? From my personal twin mom experience, (and BOY has it been exciting) you don’t know that you’re officially in the secret Twin Mom Club until you’re actually living in it. Never in my life did I think that I would be a mommy to two perfect little boys that just happened to match! NEVER. They were my little surprise gift. A guest with a plus one that never RSVP’d. I was initially excited to be having twins, because uhm, hello? Twins are adorable. Then it started to really set in for me .. What the heck do I do with twins!? Is it really as hard as parents with singletons like to say, (It’s surprisingly not .. not all of the time by the way) or is it just going to be a brand new learning experience? I’m here to tell you what it’s REALLY like to be a mom of twins, and how to officially know that you’re a twin mom.

Pregnant Twin Mom

1. You’ve reached this weird celebrity status
Being pregnant with twins, I don’t know what it was, but I felt like I had reached this strange new level of fame. As if people, (strangers included) don’t like to invade a pregnant woman’s space enough. Imagine the amount of people I had to swat away for trying to touch my magical crystal ball into twin land. OH MY GOSH. “When are you due?” “What are you having?” The average mom knows what it feels like to be asked these questions. We automatically carry our cute little billboard bellies just open for Q&A, but as soon as you say, “Oh, there’s two.” Or “I’m having twins” the dynamic duo immediately gets the “Oohs” and “Ahhs”

2. You get to teach family and strangers about how babies are made
After the double trouble “Oohs” and “Ahhs”, you now get the privilege of educating family, friends, and strangers on exactly how you got it on, to hit the jackpot and multiplied with multiples. “How did this happen?” “Did you do IVF?” “What position got you here?” “Do twins run in the family?” Then you get to explain genetics! No exaggeration, I’ve been asked some really personal questions. Nobody asks so many personal questions when you’re only having one, because we all know how that happened, but having thing 1 and thing 2 growing inside you makes you like the world’s largest gumball, or the bearded lady. Which, I guess isn’t terrible if you’re a sharer. (I’m not lol) I always feel like I’m slowly being sucked into an awkward conversation that I can’t get out of.

3. When your ultrasound appointment (any kind of appointment really) takes 10 times longer because of twinny like activity
Now, I didn’t always mind my frequent appointments, and I obviously enjoyed my ultrasounds even more, BUT having appointment’s that last for days because your baby is playing hide and go seek .. behind your other baby? Not so much. NOT SO MUCH. Even worse trying to find a heartbeat, and then determine whose heartbeat belongs to whom. Even worse, having your twins take turns kicking at the heartrate monitor. After all, as if differentiating between mom and one baby wasn’t fun enough.

4. When your health insurance company keeps rejecting things as a “duplicate” bill
Seriously health insurance company? Seriously? They’re TWO people. Two people, same birthdays, different socials. I’ve had my share of twin woes with this one. Then once they get past this mishap, you start to get your hospital bills where Twin A in the hospital, isn’t Twin A on the insurance information so yet again, it won’t go through. Talk about a headache.

5. You can shop based on things like trunk space for your double stroller, or backseat space for two convertible car seats
New babies, means the possible need for a bigger car. This was a huge concern for me. I STILL think about this now. This for me is essential, because what ever would I do without my wonderful double stroller? I’m lucky to have a car that fits everything and everyone, but right before our twins came home we had to car shop. I was almost ready to literally crawl into a trunk if I needed to. I’m exaggerating .. Obviously, but you do what you’ve got to do.

Post Pregnancy Twin Mom (raising twin infants)

6. You find that you’re rocking this assembly line thing
Fun fact, I’m not just a twin mom. I’m actually a mom to Irish .. triplets? Yes, I know. That’s some serious momming right there. So I ultimately rock the hell out of the assembly line thing with or without the twins. Diaper, Diaper. Onesie Time, Onesie Time. Sleeper time, Sleeper time, zippp! AND don’t get even get me started on feeding. I was an exclusive pumper, and let me TELL YOU! Mastering the art of pumping, while also feeding two babies just to stay on a consistent feeding schedule made me feeling like the ultimate supermom. You couldn’t tell me nothin’!
•  6 ½ The fact that you even have an assembly line. BOOYAH!

7. You can change two diapers in the time it takes most moms to change one
When you have to start operating like a robot to keep up with demand, things like finding your superhero speed tend to kick in. Check them, wet. New diaper, under. Old diaper, off. Wipe, Wipe, Seal them up! It eventually just feels natural, like breathing.

8. When you get to your car (two non-walking babies in hand) and realize you’ll be opening the car door with your mind
This. Right. Here. My biggest struggle at hand was lugging around two infant carriers on a trip to the car. Now, the weight of carrying around two extra humans plus car seat weight soon became nothing, plus it’s a built in workout that’s great for your arms. Actually getting in and out of the house, and in and out of the car took some innovative thinking. Let’s be honest though, how innovative can you get? I always had to think of my game plan prior to starting my journey, always.

9. The fact that you can drive that damn double stroller like a BOSS
Trial and error mama, trial and error, but once you’re good, you’re GREAT. Like anything else with having multiple babies, you have to master the art of multitasking. Sure, you’ll run a few people off the road of the grocery store a few times, but that’s okay! Trial and error sweetheart. Soon you’ll be whipping that thing around corners, through doorways, in and out of elevators, like a BOSS.

10. When it’s time to pack a diaper bag to go somewhere, you feel like you’re packing for a vacation, just to go out for the day
Double trouble means double, well, everything! Double the bottles, double the amount of diapers and wipes, double the amount of baby foods, extra EXTRA spare outfits for spills and blow outs. You start to feel like you spend more time preparing for your outings than you actually do being out. Mom Tip, start to keep your diaper bag “packed” at all times. Keep essential things like diapers and wipes in them, so when it’s time to go out, all you have to do is a quick count of things, and add in whatever else is needed. Mom Tip #2, keep a spare bag or basket in your car with emergency baby items. You never know when you’ll forget something (it happens, and you will) and they’ll be needed.

Toddler Twin Mom (Hey, that’s me!)

11. When you typically don’t have photos of just one child because they’re always together
My twins share a bond like no other. They laugh at each other’s jokes (I don’t get them) they do everything together, and they even like to cuddle together *Inserts “Awwww” Inseperable twins, means very rare single photos.
• 11 ½ When you typically don’t have photos of BOTH children because they’re both ALWAYS going in different directions

12. When every sale you shop is BOGO
My twins are the best BOGO sale I’ve managed to catch, but my need for BOGO obviously didn’t stop there. BOGO pants, BOGO shirts, BOGO shoes. We have to buy for two kids, at one time. If I’m able to save some money, I’m all over it!

13. When shop for toys with the thought of whether this will be a shared toy or if you should just buy two and avoid the fighting
My twins are at the age where they’re adamant about what’s mine is mine. If I have it, it’s mine. If I put it down, and you pick it up, it’s still mine, because you know I was planning to come back to it. Don’t argue because then it’s like an all out Fight Club. *Inserts a longggg motherly eyeroll.
• 13 ½ When people look at you funny for buying 2 of the exact same thing for gifts for your kids

14. When you feed the need to shop in “evens”
With my daughter, I didn’t mind much that packs of socks, bottles, and blankets came in packs of 3. With my twins, it low key drives me looney. I don’t match them alike very often, but same things I like to buy them that actually match. Things are never even when it’s a back of 3 socks with 2 pairs of white socks, and one pair of black socks! Only. One. PAAAAIR! *Falls to my knees. So, then I have to suck it up and get more than one pack. Womp Womp.

15. When you feel like a sheep herder, but not a very good one
Did I mention that I’m a mother to Irish Triplets? Triplets? I guess that would be the better term. I herd little people all day long, but even when it’s just my twins and I they’re still going in completely opposite directions. You grab them both to sit them down, and one is right back up and going to the left. You grab the one that was exiting stage left and realize that the other one is already halfway off of the couch and ready to run off. I’m a terrible sheep dog.

The final and ultimate way to know that you have OFFICIALLY made it to the Twin Mom Club is something that you’ll come across at any stage. Your rightful passage of answering those typical “twin questions” and half smiling at those typical “twin remarks.”

“Yes, they are identical.” “No, they aren’t identical.”

“No, boy girl twins can’t be identical.” “Yes, I do know that they look a lot alike.”

“Yes, they are natural.” “Nope, never did IVF.” “Nope, no acrobatics in the bedroom.”

“NOPE, I didn’t eat pounds of sweet potatoes, or do the Hokey Pokey, or stand on my head to get them.”

“No we didn’t plan them.” (I never knew that was a thing with natural twins..)

“Yes, I do know we have our hands full.” “One hand, Two hands. One baby, Two babies.”

“And NO, you may not touch them. Thank you though.” Lol

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Parenting A Child With A Speech Delay

Parenting A Child With A Speech Delay - Chic and Domestic

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while now, but I wanted to write it with complete honesty. We all know that parenting can be hard work. Parenting is quite possibly one of the hardest responsibilities I’ve had in my lifetime. Parenting a child with a speech delay? Even harder. Think about how important it is to be able to properly communicate with other people. Then think about just how often you have to communicate with other people. In life, for any reason, it can be frustrating when your needs aren’t being met, but it’s also frustrating to feel like you’re not being heard.

Imagine someone dumping you in a foreign country, and needing an answer to a question as simple as, “Where is the nearest restroom?” or “Where is the closest restaurant?” and not being able to both understand responses, and vocalize your needs. I can only imagine that this is what it feels for my daughter at times, without even having to leave the comfort of her own home.

She has a hard time expressing that she’s thirsty, that she’s hungry, and even if she gets my attention enough for me to fully understand what she needs, it gets difficult to know exactly what it is that she’s asking for. Sometimes she points, sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she signs, and sometimes she doesn’t.

My daughter was officially diagnosed with a speech delay almost a year ago. My tiny little lady is almost 3 years old now. She says plenty, just not very much that you would be able to understand. The entire thing has been a new experience, a hard experience, and a huge period of adjustment.

I love my daughter, but I would be lying to say that the gap in communication doesn’t frustrate me at times. It’s hard to communicate simple commands, commands for safety, even discipline her. As a mother I had a hard time with feeling like I wasn’t doing enough, or that I wasn’t doing things right. Sometimes I was worried that I wasn’t being as patient as I could be, or that I wasn’t being understanding.

Before it was “official” that she had a speech delay, I tried really hard to teach her things that the average growing baby was doing. As she got older, I tried to teach her things like ABCs and 123s (She also has hyperactivity and an attention problem, but that’s not my current point lol) but it was always so difficult, and I couldn’t understand why. Even now, I constantly feel like I’m in an uphill battle trying to teach, while also feeling like an awful teacher.

So, we brought in some outside assistance for help. It was helpful for her, but her speech is still a challenge. For her, and for me. Bringing in outside help meant more opportunities for her, like in home therapy options, and now the option to attend part time preschool, but that also means more labels. I had to get over the hump of hearing words like “special needs” and “IEP” and come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to let the average social stigmas define her.

My daughter is brilliant, caring, and energetic. She’s full of love, and she doesn’t need her words to express that. And I don’t need my words to express that to her. I will always have to be more patient with her. I will always have to be her number one advocate. I might share my spot with my husband one day, but until then he lets me mostly run the show.

Years from now, she could still struggle, or maybe she won’t be struggling at all. One thing I do know is, I will be right there, continuously trying to teach her, continuously helping her through her struggles, reading to her, and eventually letting her read to me.

Parenting can be a struggle. Parenting a child with a speech delay just makes that emotional roller coaster that much more rocky, but a speech delay is not an end all be all. My child is NOT a special needs label. She has specific special learning needs, but she, is just SPECIAL, period.

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Finding Positivity In Motherhood

Often times, we get so caught up on what we’re doing wrong, and what’s wrong with us, that we forget to love and appreciate all of the good things about ourselves, and the things that we do. This should be a constant rule to live by for anyone, because there is such significance in finding the positivity in your life. The sooner you start, the sooner you’ll begin to see a world of a difference.

I know that personally, I don’t give myself enough credit as a mother. Sometimes I struggle to take the time to appreciate all of the many things that I actually do right. As parents, it’s so easy to want to fight to be the best parent you can be, and you absolutely should, but never at the expense of your own self care and self esteem.

I’ve had a rather frustrating week of parenting with my littles. I have one that has had energy levels through the roof, another one who is dealing with new found separation anxiety (Like, literally, I can’t even pee without him) and another one who really just wants to be happy and do his own thing, but that energetic sibling of his just wants to get in his way. I’ve had to be a referee, a teddy bear, and a wrangler of sheep. ALL WEEK LONG. I was beginning to wonder why are they acting this way? What am I doing wrong that this isn’t getting any better? Soon after that, I started to repeat in my head how I’m being too nice, how maybe I’m being too rough, maybe I’m yelling too much.

The reality is, that sometimes, kids will throw you curveballs. Every little phase of clingy isn’t due to a lack of attention that you may or may not be giving them. Sometimes, they just need the extra cuddles. Sometimes, they just wake up with an extra dose of energizer bunny. It’s not necessarily that you aren’t giving them enough play time.

As hard as my week has been, and as hard as I’ve been on myself trying to figure out what I could be doing wrong when tackling my kids, do you know what I did right? I held my son when he needed me to. After seeing my daughter race down our hallway for the millionth time, and trying (relentlessly) to get her to slow things down, instead I picked things up. I put on some music and I danced with her, obnoxiously. Which actually tired her OUT by the way. I tried. Sometimes trying, attempting, and possibly failing a few times along the way is enough.

It’s not that you aren’t doing anything right, it’s not that you aren’t doing enough, it’s that you aren’t looking at your positives correctly. Everything won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, and some things are worth crying about, but there are things that you could be doing worse. Appreciate what you have and what you do. Being a mother, your children appreciate you more than you could ever imagine. For every time you dwell on negatives in your life or in motherhood, remember that you have little people who are appreciating a million positive things about you, and all that you do for them.

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